Have you ever read Romeo and Juliet? How about the Great Gatsby? Twilight? All of the leading men in these books have this one idea in common. They want to be happy. And they think that they will achieve this happiness if they possess this one object. Namely, a female human being.
There is this idea that permeates our culture that women are objects. Specifically, objects for men. Now, I hear you men out there in the audience. "But I would NEVER try to own a woman! That's ridiculous and sexist!" Yes. You would. You are sexist. It's okay, though. I am sexist too. So are most people that you will meet or have met in your life.
Almost every magazine that I have ever picked up in my life says something about how to "Surprise him with the latest hairstyles" or moves or clothes or shoes or makeup. I saw an ad on the computer the other day that talked about "Attributes that Women Hate that Men Love" referring to women's bodies. My grandmother once told me that I needed to "eat more slowly. Men don't like women who eat like pigs." The idea behind all of these examples is that, whatever women do to make themselves more beautiful is so that men will notice them.
For instance, I am a woman. I could go out one day wearing a grey cardigan, a skirt that goes down to my ankles and Doc Martins and I guarantee that someone would think I was a prude. No? Well, what about if I walked down the street wearing leather booty shorts and a string bikini top? Someone would think I was a slut. That I was looking for male attention. That I was "asking for it".
A couple months ago, I was walking home from class. It was dark, but I only had to walk a couple blocks. I started to be followed home by about three men who were shouting inappropriate comments at me. I was, rightly, a little nervous so I was relieved when I got back to my dorm. While I checked in at the front desk, I told the person working there about what happened. Their response was not "Are you alright?" it was "Well, what were you wearing?"
Should that matter? If I was wearing a short skirt, does that mean that I was asking for harassment? People don't consider that maybe women dress the way they do because they think that it makes them look good. It should never be a problem when women want to dress in a way that makes them feel empowered. What if women just want to wear more clothes when it is cold outside and less clothes when it is hot outside?
This problem is so ingrained in our culture that even nice guys believe, deep inside them, that women's bodies are for them to look at, enjoy, and approve of. What they forget is that women's bodies are their own. Women should be able to reveal, conceal, revel in, or explore as they see fit.
There is a terrific article on Brute Reason about complimenting women on the street. The author makes a great point that is: Why would a man feel the need to compliment a random woman on the street, even though he knows that there is a chance that he could make her uncomfortable? Why is it her responsibility to deal with that potential discomfort or “get over it,” not the man's responsibility to keep his opinions to himself unless they are relevant or solicited?
I was actually talking to a very close male friend of mine the other day. He brought up the idea that he would love to be catcalled by women on the street. To him, I said this. So what? What you are comfortable with may not be what everybody is comfortable with. Nobody should be punished for being shy or not thinking the same way that you do. Also, of course you would say that. You are speaking from the perspective of someone who has never been catcalled. You like it now, but what if it were random, constant, and a little threatening? There is a great article about sexual harassment from the point of view of a man on Jezebel. Actually, there are several articles that explain what I am talking about, if you are interested. Links below.
Look Guys, Even 'Nice' Can Be Annoying
On Men Who Think That Street Harassment Would Be Awesome
Why You Shouldn't Tell a Random Woman on the Street That She's 'Hot'
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